Welcome to Curb Stomp: Week 2. Do I get my participation badge yet? Any brownie points for one week of consistency? No? Oh, ok. I’ll just be over here screaming about guys and gals fighting each other in tights for the amusement of strangers.
This week’s Raw is LIVE from Philadelphia, PA. Roman is officially back from nose surgery and somehow no less handsome. Not even Cody Rhodes-esque face guard. Go figure. Dean Ambrose continues to be the hero we all deserve, but as far as WWE’s concerned, not the one we need right now. And the Diva’s are still the most consistent piece of storytelling they have going. We’re 13 days out from the Show of Shows. How many more matches will come together tonight? If previous episodes are any indication, my guess is 15. Let’s start the show!
Is “The Authority” Roman’s latest nickname?
Roman Reigns is back and fully pissed off. Tonight, he’s here kick ass and walk through crowds of people who have mixed feelings about him. Guess what? He’s all out of walking through crowds. Shut up. I know it doesn’t make sense.
Roman interrupts Stephanie who is there to reassure us all that HHH isn’t missing because of last week’s beat down. Roman disagrees. He proceeds to trash Steph in one of his better promos, but Steph isn’t having it. She reverts to her signature move, The Slap, only to be thwarted by Roman’s now capable hand.
Overall, it’s a solid segment and didn’t make me hate Roman. ‘A’ for effort. Two last thoughts about this segment
- I love that Steph just lets loose and dances to her entrance music from time to time.
- Wouldn’t it be great if we saw half the audience just get up and leave after Steph’s announcement that HHH wasn’t be there?
My hero, Kevin Owens
If Kevin Owens—divine presence, man of 1,000 t-shirts and imperator of insults—isn’t main eventing WrestleMania next year, I’ll eat a shoe. Kevin Owens v. Sami Zayn is the real Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Canada.
Where does he get these wonderful toys?
Two straight weeks of segments where Dean Ambrose meets hardcore legends, and now I’m starting to think WWE won’t be able to properly pay off this match. Are WWE writers familiar with the concept of Chekhov’s gun? For the unenlightened, it’s a trope that says if you show a loaded gun on the stage, it should go off by Act III. We’ve now got two Chekhov’s guns floating around for the Street Fight at WrestleMania. My guess: two big hulking MacGuffins.
Please get The New Day away from this trash
Although, I will say this… That “Shame-us” line got me.
How did I not see that before?
Big Show flip flops. Jimmy cracks corn. I don’t care.
Jericho says what we’re all thinking
- A) Jericho must have ears like a cat (that wears light up jackets)
- B) “You stupid, STUPID man! You idiot.” – Jericho to Fandango mid-fight.
- C) AJ Styles can’t even do a mid-match distraction right
- D) Jericho yelling at random fan: “Get off your phone idiot! You caused this!”
You can all go home. KO’s got this.
I’ll give him this—not that I wouldn’t before—but Kevin Owens is honest-to-goodness genius. If you have the power to make a triple threat match that decides your opponent at WrestleMania, why WOULDN’T you pick a cosmic cat, Mr. Glass from Unbreakable, and the other half of the Hype Bros who now actively refers to himself as “daddy” unironically?
“You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”
Make no mistake, Roman Reigns is the villain of the story.
I know you are but what am I?
Speaking of Pee Wee Herman, AJ Styles is apparently phenomenal at everything except mid-match distractions.
If we’re the enablers, what’s that make Vince?
I guess we fans now have to face the harsh reality that not only may this be Taker’s last Mania (which a lot of people suspected a while ago, Mania being in Texas and all), but that it is going to honestly, truly, seriously there’s no turning back now, deep breath everyone… going to be against Shane McMahon.
I’m genuinely torn the more I think about this. On one hand, this match doesn’t feel like a fitting way to cap off one of the greatest careers in the history of professional wrestling. This is the goddamn Undertaker! And WWE is really flirting with the idea that Shane McMahon can win the big one too. I love Shane to death, but even in the craziest depths of my brain, I don’t see a believable scenario where Shane pins Taker and it proves satisfying.
On the other hand, Undertaker is THE definition of a company man; maybe even more than John Cena. He doesn’t really have to go out with a great match at this point. His legacy speaks for itself. If he does officially retire after Mania, then WWE must get one booking decision right on that night. Have Taker and Shane close the show. If they thought Brock Lesnar breaking the streak at WrestleMania XXX killed the crowd, believe me when I say no one in that locker room wants the burden of following 100,000 people saying goodbye to Mean Mark.
That’s all I got for tonight.
Grab a chainsaw and don’t forget to spread the nonsense.