I’ve been to the midnight showing.
I’ve read the book.
Now, it’s finally time to see the movie… about the making of a movie so infamous… one of the stars wrote a book about it… and had it optioned by JAMES “Da Vinci of our time” FRANCO!
After months of much deserved ballyhoos, hype, and genius marketing, The Disaster Artist is finally hitting theaters this weekend, and I couldn’t be more excited to see it. In honor of the release, I have composed the following brief ode the what just may be the best worst film ever made. In particular, my favorite bonkers scene from the movie…
Welcome to the flower shop
Where everyone knows your name
Unless you wear sunglasses
And a long black trench that hides your frame
He comes seeking roses, this Johnny Daywalker
One dozen, all red
But unbeknownst to Johnny
His paramour is taking Mark to the sexual woodshed
Who is Mark you ask?
Why, Mark is Johnny’s best friend!
They play football in tuxedos
A rite only the BEST of friends can comprehend
These roses, you see
Are for the lovely Lisa
She’s basically a succubus
But at least when you’re sad, she’ll order you pizza
Johnny likes Lisa
So much that they are engaged
But he really likes when people recognize him
This man who’s clearly middle-aged
It took his florist a minute too
She’s not the best with faces
Maybe it’s because she smoked one of those flowers
Placed in pristine, ceramic vases.
Johnny’s her favorite customer
Can you believe that?
This cuckoo bananas “maybe” vampire
With an accent that sounds like his mouth is filled with butterfat
But in all seriousness
Lots of people really seem to like this Johnny bro
He popular guy
And, no, that last one’s not a typo
The florist took Johnny’s request
It’s a surprise she could hear him
So much talking over each other
It’s almost like this whole scene was filmed on a whim
And as many seconds later
Johnny thanked his florist kindly
“Keep the change” — this man needs no calculator
Then with a pat and smirk
Johnny smiled with glee
And exited the flower shop
with an ever-so-creepy, “Hai doggy.”
The Disaster Artist is based on the book of the same name by The Room’s Greg Sestero (“Oh, hi Mark”) and stars James and Dave Franco along with their cadre of super funny friends. I’ll have a seat this weekend (sans spoons). I strongly encourage do the same and go see it post-haste.