I’ve been to the midnight showing.

I’ve read the book.

Now, it’s finally time to see the movie… about the making of a movie so infamous… one of the stars wrote a book about it… and had it optioned by JAMES “Da Vinci of our time” FRANCO!

After months of much deserved ballyhoos, hype, and genius marketing, The Disaster Artist is finally hitting theaters this weekend, and I couldn’t be more excited to see it.  In honor of the release, I have composed the following brief ode the what just may be the best worst film ever made. In particular, my favorite bonkers scene from the movie…

Welcome to the flower shop

Where everyone knows your name

Unless you wear sunglasses

And a long black trench that hides your frame

He comes seeking roses, this Johnny Daywalker

One dozen, all red

But unbeknownst to Johnny

His paramour is taking Mark to the sexual woodshed

Who is Mark you ask?

Why, Mark is Johnny’s best friend!

They play football in tuxedos

A rite only the BEST of friends can comprehend

These roses, you see

Are for the lovely Lisa

She’s basically a succubus

But at least when you’re sad, she’ll order you pizza 

Johnny likes Lisa

So much that they are engaged

But he really likes when people recognize him

This man who’s clearly middle-aged

It took his florist a minute too

She’s not the best with faces

Maybe it’s because she smoked one of those flowers

Placed in pristine, ceramic vases.

Johnny’s her favorite customer

Can you believe that?

This cuckoo bananas “maybe” vampire

With an accent that sounds like his mouth is filled with butterfat

But in all seriousness

Lots of people really seem to like this Johnny bro

He popular guy

And, no, that last one’s not a typo

The florist took Johnny’s request

It’s a surprise she could hear him

So much talking over each other

It’s almost like this whole scene was filmed on a whim

Eighteen dollars

And as many seconds later

Johnny thanked his florist kindly

“Keep the change” — this man needs no calculator

Then with a pat and smirk

Johnny smiled with glee

And exited the flower shop

with an ever-so-creepy, “Hai doggy.”

The Disaster Artist is based on the book of the same name by The Room’s Greg Sestero (“Oh, hi Mark”) and stars James and Dave Franco along with their cadre of super funny friends. I’ll have a seat this weekend (sans spoons). I strongly encourage do the same and go see it post-haste.